Summer Fitness Mythbusters: A Public Service Announcement Nobody Asked For

Every year around this time, perfectly normal adults start losing their minds.  Somebody starts drinking chlorophyll water. Someone else gets’em a waist trainer.  Half the population becomes convinced they need to “detox” for a month after eating a hot dog at the ballgame.  And at least one person is eating in their driveway wearing a hoodie in 95° weather because they heard sweating burns fat….

So, in the interest of public safety, let’s clear some things up.

Myth #1:  Sweating More Means You’re Burning More Fat

No.  It means it’s summer.  Congratulations.  Your body is functioning properly.   Contrary to popular belief, sweat is not fat crying and you ain’t meltin’ nothin’.  You’re just…wet.  

Myth #2:  You Need To Detox After Vacation 

Ah yes…the annual tradition of coming home from the beach and acting like you spent 7 days living inside the Waffle House.  “I was terrible.”  Were you though?  Or did you simply have chips and queso on Tuesday and some ice cream on Thursday?  Because those re two very different things.  People come home from vacation talking like they committed a felony or somethin’.

Girl….relax. You don’t need celery juice, or a cleanse…you just go back to eating normally.  

Myth #3:  Watermelon Has Too Much Sugar

I don’t know who started this rumor, but….rude.  Every summer, people be demonizing fruit, ya’ll.  Watermelon, peaches, pineapple, blueberries….suddenly for some reason we act like nature is trying to sabotage us.  Meanwhile, Debbie over here drinkin’ a caramel frappe the size of a toddler but questioning some strawberries at the same time.

Ma’am.  Let’s regroup.  Nobody has ever sat in a doctor’s office and heard:  “I’m afraid the watermelon got you.”

Myth #4:  One Cookout Ruined Your Progress

Listen, if one barbecue can destroy your results, they weren’t results.  Progress ain’t that fragile.  One burger doesn’t ruin your health.  It’s the things we do most of the time that matter.  Not Uncle Louie’s potato salad….which, let’s be real, you’re eating it anyway.  

Myth #5:  You Have To Earn Dessert

Can this one please just gtfo??  Exercise is not punishment and food isn’t a prize you win after suffering.  Nobody should have to do burpees to deserve ice cream….that sounds like something made up by someone who hates joy.  Eat the ice cream.  Lift the weights.  Continue being a functioning member of society.  These things can all be done along side each other. 

Myth #6:  Walking Doesn’t Count

Walking is kind of like the beige Toyota Camry of exercise.  Dependable but unremarkable and completely under appreciated.  Nobody brags or gets excited about it.  Most people assume the “real” benefits come from something harder, sweatier, and more complicated…which is strange.  Because people will spend an hour walking and then say, “I only walked.”  Only??  Last I checked moving your body still counted as moving your body.  

Myth #7:  You Have To Start Over On A Monday

Poor Monday.  That guy’s been carrying the hopes and dreams of everyone since 1935.  Every week:  “Monday I’m getting serious.” “Gonna get my shit together Monday.” “Monday I’m going to start X, Y or Z.”

Easy guys…what if we just ate a decent lunch today, lifted some weights tomorrow or went for a walk the day after that??  I know, I know….wild. 

Listen, summer don’t need no detox, punishment or anything else for that matter.  We’ve up and made our favorite season into something, welp, weird.  So stop doin’ that and enjoy your life.  Take the vacay, walk when you can, lift when you can and for god’s sake….eat the friggin’ watermelon.